Inordinate amount of European vacation spent imagining alternate life as royal

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FONTAINEBLEAU, France — An inordinate amount of your vacation in Europe was spent dreaming of the life you would live if you were royalty, sources close to you reported.

Whether at the gates of Buckingham Palace or the fountains of Fontainebleau, you weren’t so much enjoying the sights as you were imagining what it would be like to be King.

The sound of knocking wood as you slowly walked down the grand halls…

The feel of all those cool, heavy marble furnishings against the palm of your hand…

The sweet taste of the finest pastries in all the country…

And the elegant appearance of your wife — the Queen — combined with the alluring smell of the countless young courtesans awaiting your call…

If only.

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