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Mexican cartel pledges to make Trump pay for planned tunnels

CULIACAN, SINALOA – Ismael Zambada García, head of the Sinoala Cartel, said Monday that planned tunnels from Mexico to the United States to traffic drugs and other illegal goods will be paid for by Donald Trump. “All of our future tunnels will be p... More »

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Dollar stares down euro in clash at currency summit

PARIS – The U.S. dollar was seen staring down the euro Wednesday at the Global Currency Summit at Fontainebleau amid a closening exchange rate. The dollar, dressed in its classic green as the currencies took a stroll outside the meeting hall, was seen st... More »

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Westerners flock to Mosul to join ISIS historical tours

MOSUL, IRAQ – Westerners from the United Kingdom to the United States have flocked to Mosul the last few weeks to join Islamic State historical tours, numerous reports have confirmed. With the terrorist organization having been driven from the city in re... More »

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Presidential protest leads to change of citizenry

ASHGABAT, TURKMENISTAN – A fifteenth-consecutive day of protest by President Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow has led to an announcement from the citizens of Turkenmenistan that they will step down and no longer be the people of the country, local news outlets ... More »

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Report: Majority looked upon more favorably than minority

NEW YORK – A new U.N. report detailing studies done in over 100 countries shows that races, ethnicities, genders, sexual orientations, and just about anything else that is in the majority is generally looked more favorably upon than races, ethnicities, g... More »

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American struggles to get into first gear

MUNICH – American tourist and first-time car renter abroad Keith West struggled to get into first gear last week as he was exiting the rental lot, almost burning out the transmission, local onlookers reported. Eventually, he was able to get it into first... More »

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Opinion: Did she say what’s up or whatsapp?

By: Henry Grant, staff reporter  I was at an English language meet up. There was a beautiful woman there. I think she was Colombian. I turned to look at her, and she was looking at me, and that’s when she said “what’s up?” Or so that... More »