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Report: U.S. meddled in foreign elections, all of them

BERLIN – A new report set to be released this week by journalists in Berlin presents evidence that the United States has meddled – through illegal funding, the spreading of propaganda, and other means – in foreign elections across the world, ... More »

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ISIS claims responsibility for Timmy’s playground punch of Mike

PORTLAND, Ore. – After Timmy Gilbert punched classmate Mikey Rollins on the playground Wednesday, ISIS took to social media to claim responsibility. An ISIS account claimed Timmy’s punch of Mike was done out of a devotion for Allah and the Islamic ... More »

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Men of Saudi Arabia line up for backseat drivers education

RIYADH – In the wake of a royal decree allowing them to not be the only ones allowed to drive, men across Saudi Arabia are reportedly lining up at schools that will teach them how to backseat drive for the first time. “I have always wanted to drive... More »

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That douche Chad finally added to U.S. travel ban

WASHINGTON – Chad – whose name really just about says it all – has finally been added to the list of countries whose citizens are banned from visiting the United States. Chad – always one of the biggest and burliest of his peers and def... More »

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Merkel celebrates election victory by sleeping in until 5 AM

BERLIN – Angela Merkel, after winning a fourth term as chancellor of Germany and leader of the free world, reportedly afforded herself the luxury to sleep in until 5 am, skipping her usual 4 am wake up call to waste an hour in celebratory sleep.  Me... More »

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Mexican cartel pledges to make Trump pay for planned tunnels

CULIACAN, SINALOA – Ismael Zambada García, head of the Sinoala Cartel, said Monday that planned tunnels from Mexico to the United States to traffic drugs and other illegal goods will be paid for by Donald Trump. “All of our future tunnels will be p... More »